Managing Family and Friends

"An invitation to a wedding invokes more trouble than a summons to a police court."
William Feather

It's your wedding, but it’s about them too.

Managing Family & FriendsTrue, you are the ones who are engaged, but you and your fiancé are not the only people on this wedding journey. Everyone else in your life, in some way, is impacted by your engagement and may react, sometime in ways you never expected.

For loved ones, your wedding isn't just about you. It's also about their experience as a witness to your engagement and wedding. Different people react in different ways and there's nothing wrong with that. The issues arise when they don't acknowledge and air out their feelings and so instead end up acting out in inappropriate ways.  

What is wrong with my family?

Drama with family and friends often reaches an all time high during wedding planning. Some people try to control the details of your event. Some just criticize the choices you make. Others may withdraw and act like they don't care what you do. And still others may talk badly about you and complain behind your back. Don't worry. You are not the first bride to be faced with this bizarre phenomenon. Most likely, your loved ones aren't trying to hurt you. They are just reacting to your wedding and aren’t able to do it in a healthy constructive way.

The Feelings Behind the Behavior

Your wedding may bring up all kinds of emotional difficulty for those around you. For example, your mother may feel sad that she’s losing her “little girl,” or you’re your best friend may feel like she’s being left behind making her sad or angry. 

Your loved ones may not even recognize their own internal reactions. It’s common for them to act out without examining the feelings causing their behavior.

Communication is the Key

It's not a good idea to make assumptions about what another person is feeling or to label it and try to explain it to them. No one wants to be told what they are feeling or how they should be feeling. Instead, start with you. Talk with them about how your wedding is effecting you and what's it's like for you to go through this process. Then ask them how it's affecting them. How are they feeling about you getting married? Just listen openly and try not to judge them. Let them know how much they mean to you and how much you appreciate their intentions (even if they've been misplaced lately) for your happiness.

Coaching Strengthens Relationships

Coaching helps you find a new perspective and approach to those "difficult people" in your life so that you can move past their behavior and connect with them on a deeper level. You can protect yourself from hurt and chaos by learning to set boundaries, and you can nurture understanding that creates more harmonious relationships.